


Fear not the waking

by via_ru88



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-02
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:28:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26251177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/via_ru88/pseuds/via_ru88
Summary: This is potentially a piece from a longer fic. I was trying to wait until I got all the gaps filled and time jumps covered. I am now accepting the fact that my muse will never give me these things in chronological order. So here you have a random slice of the Zutara universe! Please enjoy!
Relationships: Katara/Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 63





	Fear not the waking

**Author's Note:**

> This is potentially a piece from a longer fic. I was trying to wait until I got all the gaps filled and time jumps covered. I am now accepting the fact that my muse will never give me these things in chronological order. So here you have a random slice of the Zutara universe! Please enjoy!

Yue shone strong through the western windows. 

Katara groaned and sat up, the baby inside her was restless and her bed was cold. One hand rested on the empty impression beside her. 

“Zuko?” 

The door was ajar. 

“He’s in his study, my lady.” said the guard at the door.

“Thank you, Kaizen.” said Katara hugging the blue silk robe around her. 

Cold marble soothed her sore feet as she patted down the empty hallway. 

The steel door moved easily to reveal her husband sleeping fitfully on his study sofa, surrounded by a sea of books, charts and documents. The screech of the hinges did not wake him. Nor did the clearing of her throat. Katara smiled, in fond bafflement. Her entry did succeed in waking the secretary. 

Tulizar blinked thin grey eyebrows, first at her, then at Zuko. Realization of the situation sank in and his eyes widened. He attempted to stand, but age, the lateness of the hour and the odd sleeping conditions were against him. Wordlessly Katara crossed to his side and helped him up. 

“How long has he kept you here?” she asked. 

“I - ah…” he squinted at the moon, “That is, his majesty has required my presence the last few weeks. Great work, he is doing! Simply brilliant. His mother would be so proud.” he looked back at her, realizing her hand still held his to steady him. He bowed his head, “Forgive me my lady.” he said straightening and retracted his hand.  “I dare say you miss him.” 

Katara gave her husband a tired wistful glance, “Yeah, that’s kind of why I’m here.” 

“I believe he would prefer to be with you as well.” said Tulizar. 

Katara smiled at the old lier. 

There were plenty of ladies in the court who whispered that the Fire Lord preferred boring paperwork to his wife’s bed, (and others who smirked that he had never really ended the liason with Mai). 

Her head knew this came from jealousy in them, but the longer her husband found excuses to pull away by day and night, the more it felt heavily true. Still she would not contradict Tulizar. He was only trying to be kind. 

The secretary smiled, a sad knowing smile, “I know he longs for you by the number of times his eyes wander in toward either your portrait or the door to the hall.” 

Zuko exhaled sharply. 

“Zuko?” 

Tulizar moved her toward the seat he had lately occupied, “I’ll wake him for you-”

“No, it’s ok. I’ll do it.”

“It is no trouble, I assure you.” His face said he would have told her to leave had he the authority to command her. 

Zuko was talking now in his sleep. Incoherent and anguished. She had not seen that much pain in his face and posture since the last time she had had to perform life-saving surgery on him. 

Tulizar was moving her again, more instantly this time. “You really should rest, my Lady. For the child’s sake-”

“How often does he have nightmares like this?” demanded Katara, “And why doesn’t he want me to know?” 

Tulizar’s next evasion tactic died on his lips, he exhaled, shrugged, and looked back at his master. “I did suggest he tell you at first, but it was not my place…”

Zuko was hugging his hands against his sides as if they shamed him. He writhed, his muttering rising to a loud resounding, “no. No. NO!” 

Katara forgot about Tulizar and rushed to her husband intent on shaking him awake, but before she reached him, his gold eyes flashed open, and he sat bold upright. His eyes locked with hers, his expression terrified.

She took his sweaty face between her palms, cooling him, stroking back his loose hair. He swallowed, talking hold of both her wrists gently. 

“What…” he asked, “What are you doing here?” 

“The baby woke me. You weren’t there. So I came looking for you.” she said, willing reassurance into her voice. As if in response, the baby decided it was time for somersault practice. Katara groaned. 

Zuko’s expression assumed absolute panic as he looked from her face to her belly and back again, (and it hurt to see that the evidence of their love made him sick.) “Are-are you?” he asked.

“I’m fine.” she rolled her eyes. “I’m just carrying a night owl apparently.” 

“Oh, sorry.” he said, she could feel his pulse pounding. 

“Why are you apologizing?” she said commandeering the end of the sofa. “It’s probably my fault. I’m the one who’s met the moon. You ‘rise with the sun’ as I recall.” 

He gulped, barely managing half a smile. 

She shook her head, “What is it, Zuko? Where were you just now?” 

“I-” His eyes fell. He pulled away from her, and leaned elbows on knees. There he rubbed his face with his own hands. She collected his sweat, (and her own), into a coating for her hand, and gently rubbed circles over his back. A shudder shook him, he restrained a sob, breathed then pulled his hands away from his face. 

“Tulizar,” 

“Yes, my Lord?” The amount of patient loyalty in the secretary’s voice warmed Katara’s heart. Why couldn’t she be like that, why must she have doubts?

“Have someone bring us tea, then get some sleep. I’ve kept you up too late again.” 

“You ask no more of your followers than you do of yourself, my Lord.” his tone indicated it to be the mark of supreme honor. 

Katara could have hugged the man for the look of relief it brought to her husband’s face. 

Zuko nodded.

Tulizar bowed, and left them alone together. 

Katara looked at him, expectantly, her hand still soothing his back. 

She looked at him, he looked away, and it hurt (why did it have to hurt?). 

She blinked back tears, taking a visual inventory of the paper mound in the room, her portrait on the wall next to that of Lady Ursa; the mother-in-law she still hoped to meet someday. Her dad was amazing, and Iroh was the best of uncles, but they couldn’t tell her how to be a mom. With her own mother gone and motherhood approaching, Katara ached for the woman in the portrait; though they had never met. The tears were unpreventable when she looked at Yue, crescented, but still illuminating half the room. 

“I’ve been having nightmares.” said Zuko. 

_ Really? I hadn’t noticed. _ Were the words she just managed to bite down. She subtly wiped her eyes, and gave him her attention. He was in pain, that made this about him, not her. 

“Yeah? What do you see when you dream?” she asked. 

He swallowed. “It’s the agni kai-the one with my father.” he said. His eyes were closed, his head bowed. 

_Shame,_ Katara realized. What she had taken for rejection, was the base instinct to hide. Why was he ashamed of that duel all these years later, didn’t he know it was never his fault?

“Sometimes I’m me. Sometimes…” he swallowed. “It’s the other way around. Only I’m not me, and my father isn’t my father.” his brows were knit. He pinched the bridge of his nose. “It plays out the same way, no matter what I try.” he said, his gold eyes suddenly open, turned to her, as if pleading forgiveness. 

“If the two opponents aren’t you and Ozai, then who-”

“I don’t know the kid. That is, I’ve never seen him before. But I  _ do _ know him.” once more he could not look at her. “And the fire lord is me. I know the pain I’m about to inflict. I remember. I can see the tears in his eyes, running down a jaw like mine. I know it’s cruel, I know it’s wrong but my mouth makes nothing but harsh words, and my hands-” he rubbed the tears away from his eyes. “No matter how much I try, I can’t stop them. I burn him; worse than I was burned. I burn those eyes closed. And they are your eyes, Katara.” 

He did look at her then. “He has your eyes. And I’m the one who burns them shut.” 

“Oh, Zuko!” she breathed. 

He stiffened, as a soft knock came at the door. 

“Come in,” he said. 

They paused while the servant brought in the tea, poured them two cups, bowed and left. 

He leaned over, so she did not have to, and brought the tea cup to her hand. 

“Thank you.” she said. 

He nodded. 

They drank in silence. Yue had disappeared from the windows view, as if knowing this conversation deserved privacy even from her. 

“All this time, I was beginning to think the gossips were right.” said Katara. 

“Right?” he asked. 

“They say that I’ve…” she sighed, “They have a list of things I supposedly do wrong, and because of that I’ve clearly lost your favor.” She laughed bitterly, “And I haven’t even borne you a fire bender yet.” 

She sipped her tea, venturing to meet his eyes as she did so. 

The look of utter bafflement on his face was adorable. “Why?” he shook his head. “Would you have ‘lost my favor?’ You haven’t done anything wrong. You’ve adapted to a foreign culture in less time than should be possible.”

“Not entirely.” said Katara rubbing her hair back behind an ear. 

“-except for the ways my culture needs work, then you stand your ground and you dare us change. And I love watching you do that!” 

Katara blinked back tears of relief. “Really? I’m afraid sometimes that I’m just a walking embarrassment to you.” 

He scoffed. “Please! You and I both know I’m the awkward one.”

“Yeah, you are pretty awkward.” she said nudging him with her elbow. 

“I’m sorry.” he said. 

“I’m teasing! I think you’re adorable.” she said, trying to catch his eye again. She set down her cup, and began to tickle him.  He slapped is arms to his sides, nearly spilling his tea. He set down the cup, and began batting her hands away, in mock frustration. Soon he had her arms gently pinned away against the linen cover of the sofa. 

He leaned over to kiss her. Not the passionate kind she had been hoping for, just the briefest touch of the lips. 

Then the shadow flew across his face again, and he retreated to his side of the couch. 

“I’m adorable, huh?” he said, retrieving his tea.

“Well, I think so. Most of the time.” 

He grinned at her, “You’re huge!” 

“Um, thanks.” 

“But still beautiful!”

“Ok.”

“And I mean even if you weren’t, I kind of did that to you so-”

“There was no  _ kind of _ about it as I recall.” she said.

That got a smirk. 

“And you didn’t  _ do  _ anything  _ to _ me. I believe it was my idea that time.” 

He shook his head. “No way, I remember that night. You would have stayed by the fire talking with Toph and Suki all night if I hadn’t- uh…”

“Hadn’t _what_ , Sir?” she teased.

“Suggested alternative activities.” he said. It was good to see him genuinely smile at her again.

She narrowed her eyes, “Oh, that night before we left the South Pole?”

“Yeah.” his eyebrow raised with the word. 

She shook her head. “No. I remember that night. That was fun, but it didn’t-”

“What? You  _ cannot _ tell me that did nothing.”

“I didn’t say  _ nothing _ .” she countered. “You made your new wife a  _ very _ happy woman.” 

Zuko grinned, “I was pretty pleased, myself.” 

“Yeah, I remember.” she said. 

Zuko blushed. 

Katara used her stomach as a shelf for the half empty tea cup. 

“Remember first night at the pole, when I came to see if you were _warm_ enough in your tent?”

His smirk returned, “You mean when you complained that you were no longer used to the pole temperatures and needed a little extra _heat_? Yeah, I remember that.”

“That’s not what I said!” she protested. 

His bare left eyebrow ridge rose. 

“Ok, so it was a pretty cheesy excuse. I admit. But, anyway I am pretty sure this one started around then.”

“Around then?” he pointed a finger at her. “You don’t know exactly do you?”

She squirmed, hiding behind another sip of tea. 

“Which means, it could have been-”

“Ok, yes.” she glared at him in mock frustration.

He laughed softly, nudging her foot with his. “I got you.” 

“You got me.” she conceded.

“So, you shouldn’t listen to the jealous mutterings of stupid people, ok?” he said, one leg hanging over the edge of the couch, one knee bent in a half lotus position. He was facing her fully now; the liquid gold of his eyes all hers. 

“And you shouldn’t believe everything you dream.” 

He swallowed. She watched her words hit deep, but he did not look away. At least not at first. He nodded, but his hands became fidgety again. He took her cup and refilled it along with his own. 

“I know that. But it’s hard when you see something like that-feel it- over and over and you can’t change it. It feels, so real Katara.” he handed her back the refilled cup, hardly noticing he had done it. “That’s the real reason I keep finding excuses to stay away from you, from… him. Or her. Actually I guess we don’t know do we? Or, do you know?” he said meeting her eyes again, this time hopeful. 

(And that hope healed a little of the hurt that his presumed rejection had created). 

“I don’t know.” said Katara. “But, I think it is a boy.”

He smiled. 

“Zuko, did your father ever make your mother tea?”

His eyes widened as he shook his head. “Why would he have served her? He was the fire lord, he had servants for that sort of thing.”

“You’re the Fire Lord.” she said.

“Yeah. I know.” he said.

“You just got me tea-”

“The servant did that.”

“You got the cup so I didn’t have to awkwardly maneuver over my hugeness.” 

“You’re not that huge-”

“-Even thought I could have done it myself. And you refilled it twice when I emptied the cup without me asking.”

She couldn’t tell from his expression if her words were reaching him. She leaned forward, taking the scarred side of his face in her hand. “How did you get this?” 

“You know how.”

“Yes, I do. By speaking up for people who had no voice.” her hand slid down to rest against his chest. “How about this?”

“I was the one who knew how to redirect lightning. It was logical.”

“I was there, Zuko. That wasn’t logic, that was instinct. Ozai’s instincts lead to the loss of his father, his wife, his son, even his favorite daughter. Oh, and not to mention the thousands who died in the Earth Kingdom. His instincts lead to personal power at everyone else’s expense. You’re thoughtful when it’s not required. Your instincts lead you to stand up and protect others, even if it means losing _your_ life.”

She kissed him, holding his face with both hands. She felt his left hand slide around her side to her lower back. She pulled away to look at him. 

“You couldn’t be less like Ozai if you tried. You won’t hurt me. You won’t hurt him. Not any of them”

“Wait. Who’s them?”

“Oh, if you think you’re getting away with giving me only one kid, Sir, you are sorely mistaken.” 

His arms went around her pulling her as tightly to him as the baby between would allow. His tears seeped into the fabric of her robe, and she breathed. 

Even when he distanced himself, it was because he loved her. Why had she ever doubted him? 

“Thank you, Katara.” 

“I love you, Zuko.” 

“I know. I love you too.”

“My baby’s lucky to have a father like you.” 

More tears, that turned to sobs. She held him until he had truly cried it out. 

Then, both exhausted, they went to bed. 

Katara fell asleep in her husband's arms, and rarely had her heart been so full, so grateful.


End file.
